Starting Bull, Sitting Bull: High 5


The heat was getting to me and everyone else in the Russian River brewery as I tried to keep cool smiling like an idiot at the too hot blonde bartender in a Spurs jersey. On the screens behind her it was Heat vs. Spurs Game 1, and both teams were literally heating up in the infamous NO AC game in the 4th quarter.

“If you can’t handle the Heat get out of Lebron’s kitchen!” I heard my hammered co-worker, a bandwagon jumper say. Looking around, I was surprised/disturbed to see Heat “fans” in Santa Rosa, California since most of the year it’s Warriors and an amazing amount of Bulls Derrick Rose jerseys around here, even in his absence. Then it happened: Lebron got the cramps.

“One Shadow of Doubt to cool you down sweetheart” a seemingly angelic voice suddenly shook me out of my shock at what just happened in San Antonio. The angel was in a Spurs jersey, delivering the delicious Imperial Porter, and I couldn’t stop smiling. I turned to my co-worker. “Guess it must feel like Hell’s Kitchen to Lebron” I trolled him, tipping my beer back. The Spurs went on to win the series in record-breaking fashion playing perhaps the most beautiful team basketball ever played.

The defending champion Spurs dramatically opened what is sure to be one of the most exciting and unpredictable years for the NBA. As expected, most major media outlets seemed to forget the champs this offseason, instead opting to show us Lebron play homecoming king, while he NEVER thanked the Miami fans who dealt with more hate defending Lebron than most fan bases have ever known. There are so many storylines this season now that Lebron decided his old team wasn’t good enough, leaving more than a shadow of a doubt of yet another Finals rematch. By which I mean the Spurs versus Lebron and his Chosen Ones. We all know what the Spurs did last summer.

We also know the Bulls plan to contend with a roster retooled to become favorites in the East according to many NBA experts. They have many new players to work into the rotation. Here is my take on how the rotation should shape up in a game with little to no foul trouble.


PG Rose       4:00 Kirk

SG Jimmy    2:00 Brooks

SF Mike D    5:00 McDermott

PF Pau        3:00 Mirotic

C Noah        5:00 Taj


PG                9:00 Rose

SG                9:00 Jimmy

SF                 7:00 Mike D

PF                 8:00 Pau

C                  7:00 Noah


PG                  4:00 Brooks

SG                   4:00 Kirk

SF                   5:00 Mike D

PF                   2:00 Mirotic

C                    5:00 Taj


PG                    9:00 Rose

SG                    10:00 Jimmy

SF                    7:00 Mike D

PF                    8:00 Pau

C                      7:00 Noah

Minutes Predictions (Give or take a few)

Rose: 34 Jimmy: 36 Mike D: 24 Pau: 32 Noah 30

Taj: 26 Hinrich: 14 McDermott: 20 Mirotic: 8 Brooks: 10

This is a bare bones outline, with Jimmy as the regular starter, and taking into account the minutes will rise for the regulars coming off injury as well as lightening the load for Gasol as the season goes.The rotation will be fluid with Jimmy replacing McDermott in the 4th to allow Rose time with Kirk as Thibs likes in the 4th. Jimmy will play the 3 until it’s necessary to bring in Mike D or McDermott depending on who is shooting the ball better that game. Similarly, we can expect Thibs to substitute the bigs depending on effectiveness and matchups in order to close out the game, which might keep Hinrich in the game longer as well.

The Hot Sauce

The following are alternative nicknames to Stacey King’s choices which will be heard from me during the course of this season:

Derrick Rose = Heir Rose, of course, and Bully for 3 reasons: 1. He’s a BULL. 2. He is physically dominant and plays that way. 3. He has a shhh list, innuendo intended. Either way, he wants to quiet his rivals, critics, and specifically other elite point guards as he’s always done.

Jimmy = JB or Jimmy Django cuz He takes people out (the game) and sort of looks like Django Freeman when the muffin top is in full effect.

Joakim Noah: Stick-Stickity. Nuff said.

Mike D Ya don’t stop! (Beastie Boys) and when he’s bad, Junior

Captain Kirk (every now and then) and Shatner when he gets the dirty diapers.

Taj da Mauler or Gibs. Rhymes with Thibs.

Nikola Mirotic Ya Somethin’ ( Mirotic is pronounced Me-Ro-Teach)

Aaron Brooks = Chris Rock

Pau = Pow

Snell: Smell. Up to him if it’s good or bad.

The High 5

MVP Candidates

1. Lebron

2. Rose

3. Blake Griffin

4. Anthony Davis

5. Stephen Curry

Rookie of the Year

1. Jabari Parker

2. Elfrid Payton

3. Andrew Wiggins

4. Nerlens Noel

5. Dante Exum

Best Record

1. Spurs

2. Cavs

3. Bulls

4. Clippers

5. Warriors

If I were Thibs…

1. I’d give the rookies a longer look than his instincts normally allow him.

2. I’d only allow high 5’s or dap on MADE free throws.

3. Smile more at opponents to freak them out, especially Halloween Night.

Go Bulls!

For more Bulls commentary and random sports thoughts,

follow me @SportsSpecialEd


Posted on October 29, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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